Gourmet Pizza Roll Lasagna or as it's known here, Midnight Snack

Disclaimer: This recipe has more calories per serving than most people need for a whole day's intake. Also, we are using the term Lasagna in the loosest, greasiest, and most horrible sense. There is not an actual noodle in this recipe. The people who created this sold their souls to the great Bacon Gods several years back.

Have you ever been awake and craving fatness at midnight and you knew pizza just wasn't going to cut it? Assuming you aren't already too weak from not having eaten something that should be banned from existence in the past 24 hours, we have a recipe for you. It takes about 20 minutes from start to finish if no alcohol is involved and is a crowd pleaser. Of course, if you're reading this blog, there is an excellent chance that crowds frighten and confuse you and you haven't left the basement since Portal 2 came out.

Pizza Roll Lasagna

 I have to tell the truth. Pictured above is a miniature version that was made solely for one person and not a crowd. You, of course, can make as little or as much as you want. Normally this recipe is done for a 9x13 pan. For bigger crowds, try a roasting pan. For Fat Bitch Days(TM), get an oil drum and have at it.

Ingredients

Several Bags of Pizza Rolls

Spaghetti or Pizza Sauce (Do not go with too thin of a sauce)

Cheese, lots and lots of Cheese

Sausage (I use regular roll sausage)

Veggies you are willing to put in a Pizza(Can be substituted for more Meat)

Pepperoni
Knife (For stabbing Pizza Roll thieves in the hand)

Step one: Cook your pizza rolls.

I prefer tossing mine in the deep fat fryer but if you feel the need to be healthy, baking probably works too.

Step 2: Cook Various Meat Substances (and veggies if you are so inclined)

Pictured above: Sausage, Chorizo, Mushrooms, Onions

End result should look a bit like:

Step 3: Layers and Layers

In reality, this should have been packed with more pizza rolls for the bottom layer but they were suffering heavy casualties from the kitchen help. There is no real secret here to doing this.

Layer Sauce, More Cheese, Pepperoni

Layer Cheese on top of Pepperoni and now the Meat Mixture

Layer More Sauce, More Cheese, More Pizza Rolls

Rinse and Repeat until you feel you have enough layers. Make the top layer the same as you would any pizza with all of your favorite toppings. 

This recipe is fantastic as leftovers as well. Once cold, this can be cut into squares, battered, and deep fried, making for a satisfying precursor to a fatattack later. Now if you folks will excuse me, I have to make more brownies so I can actually do the Pancreas Sucker Punch Trifle Blog as the kitchen help have eaten them all.

Pancreas Sucker Punch Brownies

There are many variations of this recipe online. We here at Fatassery R' Us have decided to go with the classic version. However, do not let that deter you from your inner fatass.

Disclaimer- This recipe is for educational purposes only. Do not attempt if you are not legally responsible for your own actions yet.

Pancreas Sucker Punch Brownies

 You will need:

1. One bag of Oreo cookies (or whatever cookie you'd like really)
2. Your favorite sort of chocolate (for melting)
3. Cookie Dough (any flavor you'd like)
4. Brownie Mix

 

Step One: Melt the Chocolate. This isn't terribly complicated. Use a double boiler. If you haven't heard of or own a double boiler, Fill one pot up with water and stick a smaller pot inside of it.Or, even easier, put a heat safe bowl on top of a simmering pot.Stick it on the stove at whatever heat you feel comfortable dealing with.  Put the chocolate in the smaller pot/bowl/whatever and voila-You have melting chocolate without worry of scorching. If that's too many steps for you, try carefully melting in the microwave or leaving a bag of chocolate in the window of your car. For those of you who prefer a smoother chocolate, mix with a little heavy whipping cream. We really don't measure things around here but for this particular batch, we used half of a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Step two: Coat your Oreos in Chocolate.

Prepare for your oreos to suffer heavy casualties due to snacking. Save at least 12 for the recipe. I personally only coat the top half of the cookie and leave the bottom clear of chocolate because I don't feel like prying it from the wax paper/plate/whatever. Stick cookies in the freezer while you prepare the cookie dough. I have no idea if the freezer step can be skipped or not. I do it because I do not want to encourage the cookie dough to spread once it goes around the oreo.

Step Three: Cookie Dough
This one is pretty easy. Either make your own or buy some cookie dough. Try to keep it as cold as possible. This will prevent the dough from spreading wildly during baking.

Step 4: Wrap Oreos in Cookie Dough

Cover the whole chocolate covered oreo in the cookie dough, even the bottom. It should look like a giant ball of delicious, delicious, and extra delicious cookie dough when finished.


Stick all 12 of your oreo cookie balls in the freezer. Pre-heat oven to 350
.

Step Five: Bake the Cookie Balls
This should take roughly 14-16 minutes. Undercooked makes the cookies too hard to handle and overcooked is just a crime against humanity.


Step Six: Chase the kitchen help around because they have made off with three of your cookies. Stick the remaining cookies back in the freezer for a bit.

Step Seven: Force the kitchen help to make brownie batter to atone for their sins. This can be any batter you'd like. Box, Home-made, "Special" Brownie, Whatever.

Step Eight: Brownie Batter Time
Grease/Spray with Pam/Lubricant of your choice (We don't judge in our kitchen) a 9 by 13 pan. Pour enough brownie batter to cover the bottom of the pan. Arrange whatever is left of your cookies in the pan.

If you want to trim away the excess cookie and just put the covered oreo part in, that's fine but it only works if you have enough cookies to do the whole pan with. We seem to have a problem with that in our kitchen so we leave the cookies untrimmed.
Use the remaining brownie batter to cover the rest of the cookies.

Step Nine: If you were smart, you realized you would need the oven again and left it on. Bake for roughly 35 minutes OR until an inserted knife comes out clean. Every oven is different so times may vary. It should look like this when done:


Step 10: Coat in more chocolate if desired. Cool and Serve.

Step 11: Save some to be turned into Pancreas Punch Trifle which will be featured next week.

If you folks will excuse me, It's time for me to do anything other than eat these (as the sugar content is likely to be 90 times my daily limit).